Posts tagged ‘sleep’

Heart vs. Brain – Feel vs. Logic

When making decisions, be honest, do you go with what you feel or what you think? For me personally, I always choose heart over brain, feeling over thinking. All the time. I can’t recommend it for everyone, especially not the faint hearted. I can’t promise happiness if you choose this path, but the pain also remains uncertain. When choosing logic however, happiness is much further off the path, but there is even less pain involved. Now if you read back over what I just wrote, it looks like there is no difference. Actually it even looks like that for me, even though I wrote the thing. But I swear, there is a whole other world of difference between those two explanations. I’m going to attempt to get into that, and you know me, the only way I can do that is by talking about my personal experiences. But, as always, I will do my best to write about it.

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Okay the above picture has nothing to do with anything, I just liked the colours and have always had a fascination for that old TV thing. I apologize for the absence of posts, I know some of you can’t live without reading my thoughts. Haha. Everything has just been so … there’s really no other word for it, hectic, lately. I’ve been going to bed at close to 6 am, having to wake up at 9 most days, being a zombie till about 2 pm then I go to work, come home around 7, eat dinner, try to kick-start my league career by practicing with my friends and by the time that’s all done, it’s about 11 to 12. I’ve been very emotionally drained lately, and mustering enough feeling to write a post just hasn’t been in me. I don’t want to write posts just because I have a blog with some readers, I want to write posts that I find meaningful, as well as an enjoyable read for my faithful fans. To be able to do this requires time, a bit of patience, soul searching and transforming feeling into written word, a process which takes an unexpectedly heavy toll mentally as well as emotionally. To those who still check religiously, thank you, I appreciate your interest in my writing 🙂

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Here we go, it’s finally catching up to me. All the sleepless nights have left me physically fatigued, but oh no, never mentally and emotionally, which is what I need to feel in order to get a good night’s sleep. I’ve honestly stopped counting the number of hours I get each night, all I know is that before I actually fall asleep, I hear birds tweeting and the sunlight creeping past my blinds. Then I get depressed before I enter that sleep state because I know I’ve gotten maybe a few hours at best. Just so you guys know, this is going to be a ramble-y post, with no particular topic in mind or poignant discussions. There will be no thought-provoking questions, no crazy feeling talk, no making you look back on your own life and prodding through memories. Just good old fashion rambling about sleepless nights. If you don’t want to read past this sentence, I swear I completely understand. I’m good like that.

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Truth vs “Truth”

Most of you probably don’t need an explanation or clarification of some sort when reading the title of this post. Truth vs “Truth”. To those of you who are unsure of what I mean, you’re probably asking, “What is the difference?” It is very simple, my friend. There are truths that you want to hear, and there are truths that are simply too hard to accept. The problem is, neither is truer than the other. Both are just different variations of a fact that you can either choose to accept or reject. Sometimes the “truth” is much easier to accept than the truth, and vice-versa. Depending on what the people around you are like, you’re subject to both different kinds. Depending on what kind of person you are, you’re going to be leaning towards one way, never both.

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Many things that you end up encountering in life will test the sheer force of your will. Whether it be in your career, love life, League of Legends games…your willpower will constantly be tried. It’s not easy, remaining cool, calm and collected. As much as we’d like to believe we’re as smooth, charming and nonchalant as Patrick Jane from The Mentalist, who, by the way, has become one of my most favourite characters EVER, deep down we’re just not as astute and composed when it comes to things that put us under extreme pressure. The easiest way to handle the pressure, would obviously be to buckle under it. This solution seems simplest, especially if you had managed to live a life relatively free of the stresses and the strains that comes with living, up to this point. This is the true test of one’s character.

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What if?

Ah, the ultimate question in life. “What if?”

Many a sleepless night for me starts, and ends, with this very question.

Picture yourself laying in bed, all nice and comfortable under the covers. The pillow is cool against your head, there’s a soft breeze flowing in and you are in absolute bliss. You get comfortable; even more than you thought possible. All of a sudden, something sparks the fleeting emotions whirling around inside your head. These emotions become thoughts, these thoughts become feelings, and these feelings become your reality. You toss and you turn, trying to shake away all the possibilities inside your head, but it’s futile. Once this chain reaction starts, it’s over. These thoughts prey on your vulnerabilities like a virus, exploiting your insecurities and making you wonder, “What if?”. Say hello to the morning sun.

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The first one

Hey people. I’m writing this at 3 am while watching Guardsman Bob’s League of Legends stream. He’s an awesome guy, and I’d love to play a game or two with him.

Okay two sentences in and I’m already sidetracked. It’s a huge problem really, cause I tend to work on these huge tangents that just completely deviate the focus from the main topic at hand. Which I’ve already forgotten, and am now just writing fillers to occupy myself. I can’t sleep, I’ve gotten maybe 15 hours this week in total. Everything that has happened this week has run the course of several natural disasters on my brain. The only thing that has kept me sane throughout this week has been my secret passion: rap battles. Watching Grind Time, King of the Dot and Don’t Flop on youtube has literally been my saving grace most nights. I love watching these lyricists battle it out using clever wordplays, rhymes and just general awesomeness. Some of the bars these rappers drop are just mindblowingly clever; they somehow manage to convey depth, comedy and ridiculously awesome puns all the while managing to diss the opposing rapper. The whole battle scene is amazing to me, and I am a massive fan. I would love to attend one of the King of the Dot / Grind Time events.

The other thing that has kept me sane this week are the League of Legends streams. Mainly Guardsman Bob’s streams. He’s very cool to watch; pulls off extreme plays sometimes and absolutely no douchebagginess, which is a problem in the League of Legends community.

Okay I got sidetracked IMMENSELY. Point is I can’t sleep. It’s 3 am, and most nights I have to resort to just waiting until my body literally shuts down on me and I fall asleep. Then I wake up some hours later, not enough mind you, and I go to work and I do it all over again come night time. There are so many things that run through my mind, I just can’t stop it. Call me emo, call me depressive, call me over-dramatic. It doesn’t matter to me, because I feel what I feel, I feel how I feel and I can’t change that about me. Live it, love it or hate it. Hopefully not the third option.