Okay the above picture has nothing to do with anything, I just liked the colours and have always had a fascination for that old TV thing. I apologize for the absence of posts, I know some of you can’t live without reading my thoughts. Haha. Everything has just been so … there’s really no other word for it, hectic, lately. I’ve been going to bed at close to 6 am, having to wake up at 9 most days, being a zombie till about 2 pm then I go to work, come home around 7, eat dinner, try to kick-start my league career by practicing with my friends and by the time that’s all done, it’s about 11 to 12. I’ve been very emotionally drained lately, and mustering enough feeling to write a post just hasn’t been in me. I don’t want to write posts just because I have a blog with some readers, I want to write posts that I find meaningful, as well as an enjoyable read for my faithful fans. To be able to do this requires time, a bit of patience, soul searching and transforming feeling into written word, a process which takes an unexpectedly heavy toll mentally as well as emotionally. To those who still check religiously, thank you, I appreciate your interest in my writing 🙂

I guess I have been on a bit of a hiatus, and most likely will be for reasons stated above. I’m trying to change my sleeping pattern by tiring myself out during the day, but having the emotional capacity to sit down and write down my feelings is just beyond my reach at the moment. There’s nothing I can say or do that can help me out with that, and the best thing would be for me to just take it easy, I think. I love writing posts, but like I said above, I don’t want to write posts based on nothing or just post because I have a blog. I started my blog with the intention of it being a somewhat semi-public diary or journal, a place where I go to if I have a lot to think about where I can just jot down my thoughts and feelings and make it look nice and pretty where people who are going through the same thing or feel the same thing can appreciate it. I write posts that are very close to home, that are meaningful to me, and I hope they are as well for the masses reading them.

Unfortunately, lately, I’ve been having trouble amassing any form of emotion or feeling. Sure I smile, I laugh, I hang out and have fun but inside it’s just … blank. This is what makes it difficult for me to write a post, because my insides are as blank as the page staring back at me. The only exception is that I can fill the page in front of me with just a few quick keystrokes, whereas I have no idea what to do with the one inside me. A lot of you are probably going to think ‘writing a post can’t be THAT bad, don’t be silly”. Well for me, writing a post is a process. As I’ve stated many times already in this post, I go through that process step by step to try and write a post that everyone will like, including myself. If I can’t manage that, then I don’t feel good simply writing a post just to fulfil a quota or simply because I have a blog.

I haven’t been neglecting this blog, if that’s what you’ve been thinking!! I log in every day and open up a blank page, waiting for something to come to me to write about but…it’s not happening. It’s not as if I don’t try, cause I do; I try very hard to write a post but when I feel nothing, nothing puts itself on paper. This is intended to be an apology post of sorts to those billions of people reading my blog, I know, I know there are a lot of you, haha. To those who check back every day for a new post, to those that simply like reading my thoughts, this is for you. Bear with me while I try make sense of and control my feelings and emotions. It’s getting more and more difficult each day, this missing somebody thing. You would think it gets easier, but no. It’s getting a lot harder and taking a toll on my emotions and my state of mind, effectively draining me of any feeling really.

I probably just talked about nothing, or the same things, in this post. That just goes to show how fragmented everything up here is! I do apologize though, but then again, this is my blog and I can write whatever I want. I don’t have to conform to some hidden expectation set by somebody reading it. I do try to please, though, but not to the degree that I will change my ways. All in all, don’t lose faith in this prodigal heart, I will deliver sometime soon…I hope. Haha. In the meantime, try out some of “The Secret” tactics and convince her to contact me with your minds, would you?

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